Power of Words

Women have the ability for immense love, compassion, and nurturing. Women can stand by each other and forgive each other. Women can understand better then anyone when another woman reacts strongly with her deep reservoir of emotion-when we feel and react first.  Mother’s especially can forgive other mothers. A mother knows the stress, the fright, the anger, and the sadness we feel for our children. And a mother can understand when another mother wants to  protect her child-from physical harm, from mental trauma, emotional pain and from loss of innocence.

But women have the potential too for horrible and lasting harm. They have the ability to inflict deep painful wounds with their words. Even if the victim of the harsh words never hears the actual words that spiteful energy is put out into the universe and that energy is felt.

Its happened to me, its happened because of me, its happened to friends. A situation arises, someone reacts, another person doesn’t like the way that person reacts so they react, then there is more reacting. Soon stories are spread, old wounds are dredged up, sides are taken, and soon its one big ball of bitterness and spite. It doesn’t matter that reactions are a gut instinct. It doesn’t matter if anyone is sorry because no one had the strength enough in the first place to talk calmly and openly and forgive. No one had the thought to look at it from other perspectives. And no one had the compassion to stop the spiteful words and instead just feel love.

I’ve felt the the pain, I’ve given the pain. For the most part I’ve learned to laugh off the hatred and stay away from inflicting it. I think its important to verbally process a situation in private with a trusted friend. Its important to have positive feedback from  someone who can give perspective. But I think its harmful to continue reliving that story. Harmful for self and harmful for the “other” person and harmful for any chance of forgiveness and a future relationship.

One  positive that comes from these experiences is the chance to talk to my daughter about several life-lessons.

Lesson 1: If you don’t want someone talking smack about what you do and say then be careful what you do and say.

Lesson 2: Even people you think are friends have the potential to become nasty.

Lesson 3: Don’t be nasty back!

Lesson 4: Don’t be nasty in the first place-it’s often not forgiven.

Lesson 4: What you say about someone can be full of love or it can be full of hate, what kind of energy do you want living in your heart and be put out into the universe?

Lesson 4:A person’s version of the story is always true to them. This is how we explain it: We go to a small party, maybe no more then 10 people, we come home and talk about the party and it sounds like we were all at different parties.What we saw and heard and experienced is going to be different but its true to us: our personalities, our physical place, the experiences we’ve had in the past, our mood at the time, our abilities to change our mood, our interests at the time-its all going to affect how we experience the very same party. It doesn’t make it wrong because one person saw it different then another.

Lesson 5: People are not completely good nor completely evil. I can often find several thing I absolutely adore even in people who don’t like me or who’ve hurt me.

Lesson 6: What you see in someone and what you say about someone becomes true-at least to you. You will start to see that person with your nasty colored glasses even when others don’t.

Lesson 7: What you don’t like about someone is often something, in some form, what you don’t like about yourself. Whether this is divine intervention or our brains trying to process some emotional pain, we often attract qualities we don’t want to see but often need to in order to better ourselves.

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The Boobie Couch

 

 

A list of things I can do while nursing a baby or two:

Watch netflix on my ipod or computer

Read books on my ipod

Check into the Boobie Couch on my ipod-lol

Type one-handed at my computer

Stir a pot

Chat one handed

SLEEP-yes even at night in the same bed

Meditate

Make lists

Draw designs for sewing projects

Eat

Eat in a restaurant

Sit outside and enjoy the fresh air

Walk around a store

Change a diaper

Have a conversation

Look deep into my baby’s eyes and feel the LOVE.

 

Links for nursing friendly sites and breastfeeding support organizations.

La Leche League

Peaceful Parenting or DrMomma

Mothering online Mag

Breastfeeding online

AAFP statement of feeding beyond infancy

 

 

I’m making this a whole page so I can add to the list of resources as I find/think of them.

Posted in Attachment Parenting, Baby Cubs, Nattural Pregnancy, Spirit and Soul, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Finding Sanctuary in Road Trips

Road trips have always been a major part of my existence. They have the power to help me feel unattached in the Buddha sense. Without fear, without judgement, just very free and grounded at the same time. Everything just seems right on a road trip, even when things go wrong. Its a great time to hone my instinct and let go of petty hang-ups. Road trips are coming-of-age stories and metaphors for life journeys. They take me out of my comfort zone and put things in perspective.

My mom has instilled a love of driving since I was a wee tot. Short jaunts out to the farm, spontaneous drives through the hills, a few trips to MI, and big tour of the western US are part of my car travels with my mom. Later I went to school in IN and would drive back and forth from SD. From there I’ve traveled all over the middle and eastern US sometimes by myself and often with friends. Josh, Adeline, and I have even taken a few fantastic road trips. Sometimes its just me. Once it was me and a pregnant belly taking Adeline to her papa’s in IN and then on to Nashville, TN. Even though the drive through SD can be monotonous, there is never a road trip that I don’t look forward to.

Books seem to fall into my lap just when I need to be a part of that story. I remember reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac at a time when road trips had ceased in my life. I felt stuck in life and bored in spirit. The book reignited my passion for life and freedom for my spirit. It helped me to free myself from myself and got me road tripping again.

What is it about road trips that bring on the happy? Is it the adventure and excitement? Maybe its the freedom of the a big ol US to explore and being able to choose your own adventure. Or maybe the escape of the day to day which can sometimes bog passion for life down. Perhaps its the quality time with loved ones or just yourself. Its a combination of all those things and its one of the Sanctuaries I find to connect with the Divine.

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Finding Sanctuary

Life Is Good

The Life Is Good Uncschooling Conference is happening this weekend in Vancouver, WA. I am SUPER bummed that we’re not going. I’m mad. I’m mad at myself for not putting a little money away for the past few months so that I could afford to go. I’m mad that I didn’t have any extra money TO put away. I’m sad because I know its something my oldest really needs right now. To feel like she fits in somewhere. I’m frustrated because none of us (in our little family) are really in alignment with each other lately and a get-away in a place with like-minds seems like something that could get us back there. Though a road trip during an unaligned time could go horribly wrong or fantastically right-but that’s the risk. And this has got me to thinking about when a family such as ours isn’t exactly practicing what we preach.

Being unschoolers and assigning ourselves the label of Peaceful Parents,  doesn’t mean we always line up with our philosophies of a peaceful existence. A myriad of external forces can pull us away from our ultimate goal. And when we’re not working consciously to maintain an internal calm then those forces  don’t have to be strong or many. I won’t go into the distractions that have kept our family from uniting-heck I don’t even know all the reasons. I just know that we are not putting into practice our beliefs. We’re struggling and I’m not sure exactly what we need to put us back on a peaceful path. I know a few things that always make me feel as if all is alright in my world. Road trips, camping, creating, and spending time with true friends are my sanctuary where I can reconnect with the divine above and within me.

In the following posts I’ll explore the ways each of those experiences provides me with what I need to be a balanced and peaceful being.

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