Women have the ability for immense love, compassion, and nurturing. Women can stand by each other and forgive each other. Women can understand better then anyone when another woman reacts strongly with her deep reservoir of emotion-when we feel and react first. Mother’s especially can forgive other mothers. A mother knows the stress, the fright, the anger, and the sadness we feel for our children. And a mother can understand when another mother wants to protect her child-from physical harm, from mental trauma, emotional pain and from loss of innocence.
But women have the potential too for horrible and lasting harm. They have the ability to inflict deep painful wounds with their words. Even if the victim of the harsh words never hears the actual words that spiteful energy is put out into the universe and that energy is felt.
Its happened to me, its happened because of me, its happened to friends. A situation arises, someone reacts, another person doesn’t like the way that person reacts so they react, then there is more reacting. Soon stories are spread, old wounds are dredged up, sides are taken, and soon its one big ball of bitterness and spite. It doesn’t matter that reactions are a gut instinct. It doesn’t matter if anyone is sorry because no one had the strength enough in the first place to talk calmly and openly and forgive. No one had the thought to look at it from other perspectives. And no one had the compassion to stop the spiteful words and instead just feel love.
I’ve felt the the pain, I’ve given the pain. For the most part I’ve learned to laugh off the hatred and stay away from inflicting it. I think its important to verbally process a situation in private with a trusted friend. Its important to have positive feedback from someone who can give perspective. But I think its harmful to continue reliving that story. Harmful for self and harmful for the “other” person and harmful for any chance of forgiveness and a future relationship.
One positive that comes from these experiences is the chance to talk to my daughter about several life-lessons.
Lesson 1: If you don’t want someone talking smack about what you do and say then be careful what you do and say.
Lesson 2: Even people you think are friends have the potential to become nasty.
Lesson 3: Don’t be nasty back!
Lesson 4: Don’t be nasty in the first place-it’s often not forgiven.
Lesson 4: What you say about someone can be full of love or it can be full of hate, what kind of energy do you want living in your heart and be put out into the universe?
Lesson 4:A person’s version of the story is always true to them. This is how we explain it: We go to a small party, maybe no more then 10 people, we come home and talk about the party and it sounds like we were all at different parties.What we saw and heard and experienced is going to be different but its true to us: our personalities, our physical place, the experiences we’ve had in the past, our mood at the time, our abilities to change our mood, our interests at the time-its all going to affect how we experience the very same party. It doesn’t make it wrong because one person saw it different then another.
Lesson 5: People are not completely good nor completely evil. I can often find several thing I absolutely adore even in people who don’t like me or who’ve hurt me.
Lesson 6: What you see in someone and what you say about someone becomes true-at least to you. You will start to see that person with your nasty colored glasses even when others don’t.
Lesson 7: What you don’t like about someone is often something, in some form, what you don’t like about yourself. Whether this is divine intervention or our brains trying to process some emotional pain, we often attract qualities we don’t want to see but often need to in order to better ourselves.